Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize