I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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