At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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