Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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