You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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