the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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