I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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