I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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