im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize