Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize