theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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