I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude. I can hear the air.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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