I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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