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Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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