when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize