last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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