I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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