He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize