Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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