the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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