dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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