I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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