I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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