***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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