whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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