I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize