i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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