I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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