May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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