Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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