I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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