Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize