capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize