so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize