cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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