i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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