Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We left the knife in your bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize