I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize