Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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