im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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