Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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