the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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