Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize