What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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