I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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