I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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