How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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