life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize