So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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