but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize